Again

The poem would tell you what I am going through...

Again

Despite what everyone seemed to tell,
My heart is not the one I can teach.
Love seems to be a magic spell;
Under which you are what I seek.
Now, I find myself falling for your smile,
I am captivated by the same charm, twice;
Will I go through the same emotions this time?
I wonder as I again roll the dice.

I am trapped in an open cage,
Still I can't break out of the daze.
I notice that there are several ways to escape,
But even a simple step seems to be a maze.
You have come across with your innocence,
Even though I really don't want all that pain.
Because I am completely losing my sense.
And now I am falling for you, again.

My love has forever been a twinkling flame,
Amidst the darkness, it flickers as it burns,
And when I felt it would blow away,
You held it closely, so again it glowed.
But I don't feel the same excitement now,
And I don't dream of you till dawn.
Maybe because I have learnt my lesson,
But I still love you beyond reason.

Even if different, I assure you that it's genuine,
Please understand that I am just keeping my distance.
It is because I don't want to bring you trouble,
I don't want to destroy your peaceful bubble.
I just want to be wanted and needed,
I just want to tell you about everything I have felt.
But, you have never returned the warmth I showered,
You have never allowed romance between us to flower.

I won't approach you this time and I won't try to show any sign.
You unknowingly shoved me into a pit of thorns,
But I won't mind because you never wanted to scorn.
Please don't test my passion, just for your satisfaction.
Please, I won't be able to tolerate that look of disdain.
Now that I am falling for you again.

- Tensai-Teki Kuroneko

Gone

A cat strayed into my backyard five months ago. She gave birth to four kittens and disappeared. We brought up the kittens... and I grew very attached to them. One of them(Snowy) ran after another stray cat and went away, around three months ago. Last night, Wiwi/Tesla died. This is a poem expressing my grief.

Coincidentally, my grandmother died at the same time on the same date two years ago.

~ 17th September, 2012 ~
Rest in Peace, Wiwi.

Gone

Last night I was woken up with news of your demise,
And a cascade of tears flowed out of my eyes.
I never thought that the one who loved to jump,
Would someday struggle on every bump.
You were struggling so much during your last days,
I wish I could have done something to ease your pain.
Before I knew it, you were gone;
And a shroud for you was drawn.

I spent the night crying in my bed,
Blaming myself and drowning in regret.
My parents shouted at me to control myself,
Though they knew it was the first time I had experienced death.
Even now I start weeping when I remember your cute face,
And I fear the day when your memory will fade.
How your little teeth came out when you yawned...
Before I loved you, you were gone.

Brou and Stravy are searching for you,
Whenever I go out they ask about you.
Today, it is such a sad day,
Today, you left us and went away.
I wonder and pray, in your next birth,
May you spend every second in mirth.
May you be born as the prince of England,
And have everything at the flip of your hand.
Before I saw you grow up, you went sky beyond,
Out of my reach, you were forever gone.

Baby, I don't know why God chose you,
Maybe you were an angel and away you flew.
All I know is you won't be running in the backyard,
As of today, you won't chase after rats and birds.
Dear, please, where ever you end up,
Stay happy and live life with your head up.
I know it'll be hard to get over this grief,
But as they say, life is always going.
Now, I'll stop weeping because I know you would frown,
If I kept on crying after you are gone.

- Tensai-Teki Kuroneko

Ghost

Ghost

I hear footsteps when I am walking,
It's a bright day, though a little sad too;
Every now and then, I feel someone approaching;
Every time, I turn around and ask, "Is it you?".
The stillness makes me shiver,
There is not a ripple in the distant river.
No, I know that you are not here,
But why do I keep waiting for you to be near?

This silence seems to devour,
Every bit of my heart and soul.
Every time a gentle breeze blows,
I hear footsteps coming close.
When I turn around, it's dead quiet.
No sign of the person I desired.
Then again, there is a pause and I feel so cold,
It seems as if I am followed by a ghost.

No matter what I do, I can't leave these memories,
So when I am alone, I am always in a hurry.
To be with someone, so fine it feels,
Because otherwise I feel like I am in a haunted dream.
Time stops when you come into my mind;
All my attempts to stop myself are futile.
The sound of those feet I follow down the road,
The memoirs seem to swallow me whole.

I still blush when I remember,
How I intruded when you were talking to sir;
You smiled when I asked him to explain my doubt,
Since I didn't care whether he was busy or not.
Then, you were still around,
And those footsteps were as real as their sound.

If you had to go, why did you leave these imprints?
Did it not matter when you gave so many hints?
Take them away, make me forget you;
Since you are the only person who could.
Even today when I scroll down your wall,
I close my eyes to not let myself fall.
But, it never works, you are so enchanting,
I can't believe that this is happening.
These days, I reach out to touch you almost,
It seems as though I am followed by a ghost.

So come back, be here for a while and stay,
Or kill these memories if you want to go away.
I detest them, that's quite true;
I abhor them as much as I love you.
I can't always bear to find you absent;
Oh, when I turn around, it's so silent.
Without you here, I am so lost;
I forget the world and I don't give it a thought.
I don't turn anymore these days,
And when I am haunted, I change my way.
Now, I know there is no peace to be found.
Until those footsteps become as real as their sound.

- Tensai-Teki Kuroneko

It's Raining

After anger... sadness.

It's Raining

I am sitting all alone on my roof,
Staring at the distant lights that shine really bright.
I am getting wet but I am in no mood to move.
I feel like breaking down but only let out a sigh.
Once more, you are gone when I need you.
You caused these things that I am going through.
Today, I don't expect you to come when it's hurting,
I am sure today, it's raining.

I get so cold when I feel the raindrops,
I huddle up closely to get some warmth.
It's so dark here, I feel so lonely,
I see others cheering, and smile sadly.
I want to cuddle up in the blankets in my room,
But I don't think I'll go down anytime soon.
Today, I feel this is more comforting,
For me, today, it's surely raining.

Isn't it sad, I used to love rains before you came,
You went, and it seems like nothing has changed.
Then, I was lonely, today ever so cold.
You have hurt me, and you don't even know.
I want to push all this aside, and go on with my life.
From this agony, I only want to hide.
But I can't, it feels so wrong;
To forget someone who isn't long gone.

Today, I am afraid to face myself,
I may not be able to go on without help.
Who would come now?
I want to forget you, but how?
Why does everyone speak of you?
Would I get someone to listen to?
You have left me in despair,
You came and disappeared to nowhere.
I shouldn't have lost my mind,
Then I wouldn't have been left behind.

I still stare at the doorway and look out of the window.
You aren't coming, yes, I know.
The rain is falling harder, it's getting darker.
You have let me down, I stare at the dirt.
It's hurting.
Not only in the town, but also in my heart.
It's raining.

- Tensai-Teki Kuroneko

I Am Done, Sweetheart

Inspired by a really nice song, Picture to Burn by Taylor Swift. I'll get out of this dark mood soon, guys, just let me take my frustration off with a few more poems~!

I Am Done, Sweetheart

Never thought that you would make me say this,
But you sought after every opportunity you got.
I am tired of giving you so many chances,
When all you do is waste them all.
I know you never gave a damn about me,
You didn't even have the courage to say a sorry.

I can't even count how many times I have cried,
Not even once did I have you by my side.
I am surprised, even though you never did fake any concern;
It still took me a while to figure it out, hon.
I took it till today, and I can't take it anymore.
Really, I never thought that you would be someone I would abhor.
I am sorry, dear, but now I won't let you twist my heart.
I am done with you, Sweetheart.

Even when you shattered all my wishes,
Just saying so that you don't badly guess;
Sadly for you, I didn't cry lakes of tears.
Didn't I already tell you, you weren't worth them, dear?
People say that 'love is blind' and I find it true,
But someone so unkind? Never thought it would be you.

I gave you my heart and you threw it down the drain,
You didn't even turn around to see my pain.
Now that I am able to think, I have figured who you are.
You aren't as innocent as you seem by far.
You weren't brave enough to face me after your deeds;
It explains your actions quite well, indeed.
You can turn hurting someone into an art;
But now, I am done with you, Sweetheart.

Now when I finally understand your conceited air,
I now know I couldn't have lived with your stupid attitude.
That vanity would have been such a pain to endure.
I wonder if you were ever taught that ignoring someone is quite rude!
Now, you have your image all burned to ashes,
Now that I have uncovered all your faces.

Your story, I always knew;
And I am sorry for what she did to you,
But what happened with you doesn't give you the right,
To treat me as bad as you like.
That bitter outlook is going to drag you down,
I could have tried to correct it if I were still around.
But you never gave me an 'authority to hurt',
And now I am done, Sweetheart.

Excellence at anything is in my character,
What you saw was only the teaser.
The whole movie is still left, my dear,
 And that is something you should really fear.
No one has ever been able to win against it;
It's really bad that you don't see where you have hit.
I am telling you, I never lose a fight,
You better keep that in mind.

Look at the irony, you were my first heartbreak;
Someone for whom I once could have put my life on stake.
You'll realize your loss after my feelings fade,
But I have made up my mind and I declare it today;
Even though it's quite sad to depart,
I am done with you,Sweetheart.

- Tensai-Teki Kuroneko