All You Want...

All You Want...

Hearts break, tears spill and no one gets to know.
And you remember how you wanted happiness before.
Nothing seems straight, you curse your fate;
Conflicting feelings arise, and you are blinded by your sight.
All you wanted back then was space to sock-slide.
All you want now is less pain to hide.

You remember when the granny next door
Told you when you were ten and four,
To stay true, you have to suffer through.
How you laughed and told her that if it were true,
Gentle folks would not exist, but they do?
You get it now, don't you?
All you wanted back then was an ice cream cone,
All you want now is to not feel alone.

You scorn the fairy tales you once loved,
Who failed to warn you to be tough.
They seem to mock and laugh if you're afraid,
Even when they broke your faith in the first place.
All you wanted back then was the gingerbread hut,
All you want now is to remove this terrible feeling in your gut.

You want to feel the cold drops of rain on your face,
And shed the tears without a trace.
You want to feel the wind on your back,
So you don't hear people say what you lack.
All you wanted back then was another person to impress,
All you want now is one person less who disapproves.

You want to take a shower with the garden hose,
Not another love with the lifespan of a rose.
You want to sit and play with the mud,
For what you are you don't wish to be judged.
You want to cry your heart out and want no one to listen.
You know that if they claim to know all about you, they are mistaken.
All you wanted back then was to know what happens at midnight.
All you want now is someone to say that it's alright.

All you wanted back then was to hug your mom,
Do you even think about how lucky you are to have her now?
She told you she needed you so you always held her hand,
Now you laugh at how silly you were back then.
But, all you wanted back then was to hide your little misdeed,
And all you want now is to be told you are needed.

- Tensai-Teki Kuroneko

Not Anymore

Not Anymore

There is a limit to what I can endure,
I have cried and shouted till my throat got sore.
But no, no, not anymore.
I snatch the keys to the door
That had been locked for so long.
No, no, I won't stay anymore.
I'll escape from here by my own force.
I'll do everything on my own for sure.
I was trapped, but no, no, not anymore.

I light a match and burn everything down,
Every picture I used to treasure.
Leave my life, now!
I throw every reminder out of the window,
Scratch every record I sang.
I am better off alone.
I cry to myself sitting on the ground,
You are just a sad memory.
I loved you, but not anymore.

Everything about you now I despise.
I listen to every word you ever said and say;
Lies, lies, lies!
I wasn't able to see through that disguise.
Everything was perfect, just yesterday.
Look at how time flies!
It isn't long till the time the last tear dries,
Soon, I'll be on my way.
Witness how love dies!

Everything engraved on the black page.
All of it shall end.
Everything is now nothing but a burnt image,
The disappearing ink of a pen.
Every feeling that I had shall now fade,
I shall mend myself.
Every feeling that was carved by that blade,
No longer shall it frighten.

The sun has set for a reason.
It's time to seek the next lesson.
A new journey is about to begin.
Time has come for me to leave,
It's sad that I know that you won't miss me.
I told you I'll go, see?
Now I am sailing off the gloomy shore,
All alone, because I need you no more.
No, not anymore.

- Tensai-Teki Kuroneko

Again

The poem would tell you what I am going through...

Again

Despite what everyone seemed to tell,
My heart is not the one I can teach.
Love seems to be a magic spell;
Under which you are what I seek.
Now, I find myself falling for your smile,
I am captivated by the same charm, twice;
Will I go through the same emotions this time?
I wonder as I again roll the dice.

I am trapped in an open cage,
Still I can't break out of the daze.
I notice that there are several ways to escape,
But even a simple step seems to be a maze.
You have come across with your innocence,
Even though I really don't want all that pain.
Because I am completely losing my sense.
And now I am falling for you, again.

My love has forever been a twinkling flame,
Amidst the darkness, it flickers as it burns,
And when I felt it would blow away,
You held it closely, so again it glowed.
But I don't feel the same excitement now,
And I don't dream of you till dawn.
Maybe because I have learnt my lesson,
But I still love you beyond reason.

Even if different, I assure you that it's genuine,
Please understand that I am just keeping my distance.
It is because I don't want to bring you trouble,
I don't want to destroy your peaceful bubble.
I just want to be wanted and needed,
I just want to tell you about everything I have felt.
But, you have never returned the warmth I showered,
You have never allowed romance between us to flower.

I won't approach you this time and I won't try to show any sign.
You unknowingly shoved me into a pit of thorns,
But I won't mind because you never wanted to scorn.
Please don't test my passion, just for your satisfaction.
Please, I won't be able to tolerate that look of disdain.
Now that I am falling for you again.

- Tensai-Teki Kuroneko

Ghost

Ghost

I hear footsteps when I am walking,
It's a bright day, though a little sad too;
Every now and then, I feel someone approaching;
Every time, I turn around and ask, "Is it you?".
The stillness makes me shiver,
There is not a ripple in the distant river.
No, I know that you are not here,
But why do I keep waiting for you to be near?

This silence seems to devour,
Every bit of my heart and soul.
Every time a gentle breeze blows,
I hear footsteps coming close.
When I turn around, it's dead quiet.
No sign of the person I desired.
Then again, there is a pause and I feel so cold,
It seems as if I am followed by a ghost.

No matter what I do, I can't leave these memories,
So when I am alone, I am always in a hurry.
To be with someone, so fine it feels,
Because otherwise I feel like I am in a haunted dream.
Time stops when you come into my mind;
All my attempts to stop myself are futile.
The sound of those feet I follow down the road,
The memoirs seem to swallow me whole.

I still blush when I remember,
How I intruded when you were talking to sir;
You smiled when I asked him to explain my doubt,
Since I didn't care whether he was busy or not.
Then, you were still around,
And those footsteps were as real as their sound.

If you had to go, why did you leave these imprints?
Did it not matter when you gave so many hints?
Take them away, make me forget you;
Since you are the only person who could.
Even today when I scroll down your wall,
I close my eyes to not let myself fall.
But, it never works, you are so enchanting,
I can't believe that this is happening.
These days, I reach out to touch you almost,
It seems as though I am followed by a ghost.

So come back, be here for a while and stay,
Or kill these memories if you want to go away.
I detest them, that's quite true;
I abhor them as much as I love you.
I can't always bear to find you absent;
Oh, when I turn around, it's so silent.
Without you here, I am so lost;
I forget the world and I don't give it a thought.
I don't turn anymore these days,
And when I am haunted, I change my way.
Now, I know there is no peace to be found.
Until those footsteps become as real as their sound.

- Tensai-Teki Kuroneko

It's Raining

After anger... sadness.

It's Raining

I am sitting all alone on my roof,
Staring at the distant lights that shine really bright.
I am getting wet but I am in no mood to move.
I feel like breaking down but only let out a sigh.
Once more, you are gone when I need you.
You caused these things that I am going through.
Today, I don't expect you to come when it's hurting,
I am sure today, it's raining.

I get so cold when I feel the raindrops,
I huddle up closely to get some warmth.
It's so dark here, I feel so lonely,
I see others cheering, and smile sadly.
I want to cuddle up in the blankets in my room,
But I don't think I'll go down anytime soon.
Today, I feel this is more comforting,
For me, today, it's surely raining.

Isn't it sad, I used to love rains before you came,
You went, and it seems like nothing has changed.
Then, I was lonely, today ever so cold.
You have hurt me, and you don't even know.
I want to push all this aside, and go on with my life.
From this agony, I only want to hide.
But I can't, it feels so wrong;
To forget someone who isn't long gone.

Today, I am afraid to face myself,
I may not be able to go on without help.
Who would come now?
I want to forget you, but how?
Why does everyone speak of you?
Would I get someone to listen to?
You have left me in despair,
You came and disappeared to nowhere.
I shouldn't have lost my mind,
Then I wouldn't have been left behind.

I still stare at the doorway and look out of the window.
You aren't coming, yes, I know.
The rain is falling harder, it's getting darker.
You have let me down, I stare at the dirt.
It's hurting.
Not only in the town, but also in my heart.
It's raining.

- Tensai-Teki Kuroneko

I Am Done, Sweetheart

Inspired by a really nice song, Picture to Burn by Taylor Swift. I'll get out of this dark mood soon, guys, just let me take my frustration off with a few more poems~!

I Am Done, Sweetheart

Never thought that you would make me say this,
But you sought after every opportunity you got.
I am tired of giving you so many chances,
When all you do is waste them all.
I know you never gave a damn about me,
You didn't even have the courage to say a sorry.

I can't even count how many times I have cried,
Not even once did I have you by my side.
I am surprised, even though you never did fake any concern;
It still took me a while to figure it out, hon.
I took it till today, and I can't take it anymore.
Really, I never thought that you would be someone I would abhor.
I am sorry, dear, but now I won't let you twist my heart.
I am done with you, Sweetheart.

Even when you shattered all my wishes,
Just saying so that you don't badly guess;
Sadly for you, I didn't cry lakes of tears.
Didn't I already tell you, you weren't worth them, dear?
People say that 'love is blind' and I find it true,
But someone so unkind? Never thought it would be you.

I gave you my heart and you threw it down the drain,
You didn't even turn around to see my pain.
Now that I am able to think, I have figured who you are.
You aren't as innocent as you seem by far.
You weren't brave enough to face me after your deeds;
It explains your actions quite well, indeed.
You can turn hurting someone into an art;
But now, I am done with you, Sweetheart.

Now when I finally understand your conceited air,
I now know I couldn't have lived with your stupid attitude.
That vanity would have been such a pain to endure.
I wonder if you were ever taught that ignoring someone is quite rude!
Now, you have your image all burned to ashes,
Now that I have uncovered all your faces.

Your story, I always knew;
And I am sorry for what she did to you,
But what happened with you doesn't give you the right,
To treat me as bad as you like.
That bitter outlook is going to drag you down,
I could have tried to correct it if I were still around.
But you never gave me an 'authority to hurt',
And now I am done, Sweetheart.

Excellence at anything is in my character,
What you saw was only the teaser.
The whole movie is still left, my dear,
 And that is something you should really fear.
No one has ever been able to win against it;
It's really bad that you don't see where you have hit.
I am telling you, I never lose a fight,
You better keep that in mind.

Look at the irony, you were my first heartbreak;
Someone for whom I once could have put my life on stake.
You'll realize your loss after my feelings fade,
But I have made up my mind and I declare it today;
Even though it's quite sad to depart,
I am done with you,Sweetheart.

- Tensai-Teki Kuroneko

Destiny Awaits...

One of my masterpieces.

Destiny Awaits...

Stumbling upon every pebble,
Walking down the rocky lanes.
Taking another step is no less a trouble,
It's too hard to tolerate the pains.

The birds are replaced by haunting crickets,
The sunny skies are now moonless nights.
The curious feet that once used to spring,
By travelling the same way, they are terribly aching.
Exhausted, worn out, can't go on anymore.
Afraid, frustrated, unable to see the shore.

New scars and bleeding wounds are now abound,
Howling of wolves is the only sound around.
You continue falling in the dirt,
Your cries for help are unheard.
It's too tough to overcome the loneliness,
Alone, abandoned, and perpetually friendless.

When there is no hope found,
The darkness seems to drown;
When turning the last stone fails,
No voice is left for a few more wails;
Please don't lose faith.
No matter what happens, destiny awaits.

Don't give up and stop suddenly,
Don't stray aimlessly and weep.
Don't lose the way even if you are weary,
And don't close your eyes in grief.
You never know what is planned by fate,
Even in the darkest times, destiny awaits.

When you see no one near,
When even a twig breaking makes you hush,
When the shrillness of raindrops splattering causes fear;
The fabric in front of your heart you touch.
When the raindrops hurt to feel,
When under a tree you want to wait;
When the sadness threatens to kneel,
Don't forget, even in the gloomiest days, destiny awaits.

Whenever you wish to turn back,
And go to the warmth and cozy attire,
Whenever the courage of facing ahead you lack,
And whenever weakens the will of fire.
Don't forget that you can take just one more step,
Stay just a moment more without help.
More falls won't kill you, you know?
It's the halt that gives the fatal blow.

This is a difficult journey,
A troublesome voyage called life.
It will give you loads of honey,
But before that rocks and strife.
You have to earn what you get here,
Fight hard to do what you have to,
You have to wash your fears with your tears.
The person who writes the future is only you.

When there is nothing pleasant in the cheerful songs,
Don't give the way to frowns.
This is never the end,
For there is nothing that time can't mend.
Remember, for the one who has nothing straight,
That is the one for which destiny awaits.

Be it the steepest cliff or the deepest well,
Nothing can devour that heart of yours,
In which once the fire of hope used to dwell.
And even in the most mournful hours,
  Don't you dare forget what I tell;
For when there is nothing left for you to wait,
There is always destiny that awaits.

- Tensai-Teki Kuroneko

Let Me Live

An inspirational poem/song I wrote when I was fed up of people telling me what to do. It can be sung quite nicely, just try to catch the tune!

Let me live

Stopped every time I take a step
Towards the bright future I want to live,
Why does everyone want their expectations met?
Am I not allowed to wish?

Getting sick and tired of every advice,
People give whenever they get a chance.
Come on guys, it's my life,
I am entitled to take a stance!
How can you ever think you understand me?
You think you know what I cannot do?
I request you, just let me live.
Have you ever walked in my shoes?

I am still not sure of what I'll get,
When I walk down this abandoned way...
But I know how I had felt,
When I first saw this course on my darkest day.
I just want to close my eyes,
And ignore the sounds of the mocking talk,
In my feelings I want to believe,
When on this unused path I walk.

Sure, you people are really important,
I should listen to you like an ideal child.
I just want to say that all I ever meant,
Was to let my dreams go wild.
I never wanted to hurt you,
So please don't feel neglected.
I'll never stop doing what I want to,
Even if following my dreams is stupid.

For me, all that matters is my aim,
And if I ever were to fail,
I would be ready to take the blame.
So don't stop me when I am just lifting the sail.

Please don't worry about me,
Just let me live, not only in my sleep!
I am going to live my life,
So that when I grow old and wise,
I would be proud to say,
"I have dared to make my own way."

- Tensai-Teki Kuroneko

Faulty Facade

Sort of a poem I wrote when I grew extremely irritated with my surroundings and fake people. :D

---

Faulty Facade

Your fake face makes me want to rebuke,
And that lame smile doesn't make you a royal duke.

Your mask isn't perfect, your facade isn't cute,
It doesn't make you less of a counterfeit crook.
Do you wish to fool me with that clumsy act?
No matter how much you try, it won't cover the revealed fact.

Oh my dear, you aren't much of an actress,
No one likes to see wind blowing your tresses.
The witch you insist to hide,
That mean vibe never leaves your side.
No matter how hard you cry,
No matter if you are really sly,
I know your shrewd pseudo tears,
That rush out whenever you fear
That the end of your petty play is near.
Those tears can make a croc,
Beat it's head on a nearby rock.

How long do you want to pretend,
Are you kidding when you call me a friend.
That stupid "huff" is not going to push me down,
Nor is your over-dramatic frown or scowl.
Believe me, it only affirms how mean you can be;
Oh! You're so unfortunate that I can see
That cunning jackal dressed as a sheep.
Does your conscience even allow you to sleep?

Your hypocrisy is digging a visible crevice,
For you to fall in with your cowardice.
The way in which you push away your fringe,
That attitude really makes me want to cringe.

Aren't you afraid of your mask slipping away?
It won't remain if you get in my way;
Though I wonder if it'll stay for long anyway!

Stay away for your benefit,
And please excuse me for being so rude;
Its just that your little acting skit
Is taking too long to end for my taste.
Besides, even talking to you is such a time waste.

So next time we brush,
Just shut up a bit;
Keep in that fluff
And run away quick.

- Tensai-Teki Kuroneko

Konnichiwa

Hello people,

I am Anna. I am not exactly comfortable with exposing my offline identity, so I'll rather be called TTK, Tensai-Teki Kuroneko or Anna-chan. I will be posting my life-rants, as well as mindless babble on politics, my views, various matters, social problems and whatever I think about; here and on fictionpress.

I live in India, and that's the only information you'll need to know, I guess.

The things can go highly personal or extremely professional, since I love being all cool, natural and sometimes expressionless.

Its basically my life events that I'll portray, which are so random and unexpected, that I get quite frightened. Things happen to me at the worst and the best of times - it may be unbelievable at first, but that is how my life is. It is also the reason why I hate planning - nothing ever goes the way I plan it!

I am very childish. Sometimes I get too far with a mere prank, or sometimes I am so ridiculous that it'll make you guys laugh. Sometimes I get all gloomy and feel very depressed and mean, other times I am as cheerful as a daisy. I am extremely sensitive and when I regret doing something, I curse myself for hours, cry rivers for some more time, and throw away every ounce of self respect I have to make up for my mistake - even if it includes embarrassing public apologies which do hurt, a lot.

I am really anti-aromatic - the most unstable personality you'll ever meet. I have a really short temper, and it's easy to piss me off - especially when someone accuses innocent people, and curses a whole section of the society for doing what they want. I am against any form of discrimination prevailing in the society, be it gender, caste, religion, or anything else.

A very important point. I am agnostic. I don't believe in a specific religion or form of God. I believe that God exists, but I don't know anything else. I don't claim that all the texts are wrong or something, but I do believe they have been highly altered. I don't believe in any of them, and it's my personal choice. I don't want to argue about it.

I have got a HUGE interest in science, especially Physics! I am planning on devoting all my life to it, so please don't get irritated if I use TOO many stupid irrelevant scientific/mathematical puns sometimes when I write. I am quite fond of Japanese music, anime & manga, so references from there are also possible.

I am not anti-social. But, I am exceedingly shy. You can talk to me!

Thanks for reading,

Tensai-Teki Kuroneko