Not Anymore

Not Anymore

There is a limit to what I can endure,
I have cried and shouted till my throat got sore.
But no, no, not anymore.
I snatch the keys to the door
That had been locked for so long.
No, no, I won't stay anymore.
I'll escape from here by my own force.
I'll do everything on my own for sure.
I was trapped, but no, no, not anymore.

I light a match and burn everything down,
Every picture I used to treasure.
Leave my life, now!
I throw every reminder out of the window,
Scratch every record I sang.
I am better off alone.
I cry to myself sitting on the ground,
You are just a sad memory.
I loved you, but not anymore.

Everything about you now I despise.
I listen to every word you ever said and say;
Lies, lies, lies!
I wasn't able to see through that disguise.
Everything was perfect, just yesterday.
Look at how time flies!
It isn't long till the time the last tear dries,
Soon, I'll be on my way.
Witness how love dies!

Everything engraved on the black page.
All of it shall end.
Everything is now nothing but a burnt image,
The disappearing ink of a pen.
Every feeling that I had shall now fade,
I shall mend myself.
Every feeling that was carved by that blade,
No longer shall it frighten.

The sun has set for a reason.
It's time to seek the next lesson.
A new journey is about to begin.
Time has come for me to leave,
It's sad that I know that you won't miss me.
I told you I'll go, see?
Now I am sailing off the gloomy shore,
All alone, because I need you no more.
No, not anymore.

- Tensai-Teki Kuroneko

Succubus

Dark moods.

Succubus

When the grandfather's clock finally struck twelve,
At the door there was a startling echo of the bell.
Seeing the half empty place, the ends of her blood red lips curved;
And towards her dark shadow, everyone's eyes turned.
An eerie silence fell across in the room,
Announcing her arrival, a ghostly breeze blew.

She chose an empty corner to seat herself,
And ordered Apple Martini when the waitress came.
Crossing her legs, she silently teased everyone else,
And observed the hall, ever so slightly fazed.
The dim-lit bar and the intoxicating smell made her impatient,
But years of practice had calmed her down.
She composed herself and waited for someone to make a mistake,
And pretended as though she meant no harm.

She wore a seductive shade of Mardi Gras,
With jet black heels and sinful mascara.
Her hair was black, and she had violet eyes,
With an innocent face, she covered all her lies.
She had long nails, covered with black paint,
She was certainly a devilish femme fatale.

An affluent guy with bright hazel eyes,
Assessed her without attempting to hide.
She looked at him but didn't acknowledge;
He looked at her and not a word he said.
He was getting caught and he didn't know it still,
But she knew that she had trapped him.

He walked towards her, she smirked at the sight;
She was going to have a pretty good time tonight.
He sat beside her, forgetting all the world;
She looked in his eyes, deep into his soul.
He had sinned, killed his own mother,
And there wasn't a moment he had forgiven himself.
She held his chin in her ice cold hand,
He shivered, but still didn't understand.
She artfully held him closer to to her lips,
And there she had him enchanted with a single kiss.

She rose and took him to seclusion in a back room,
And following her was the best he could do.
He laid on a couch, and she held his collar,
Looked in those hazel orbs, she said to him;
"I have been waiting for you, every night till next dusk,
The one you have chosen is none other than a succubus."

Alas! The young man was surely bewitched,
Because not an eyebrow he flinched.
He could not foresee his own downfall,
He did not notice the abyss he had stepped into by fault.
"The days are over, now relax like everyone does
When I finish my work, the work of a succubus."

The next day, no one knew of the young lad,
He disappeared into oblivion like the dream he always had.
But a day later, she came once again,
At midnight, in search of another prey.
In a short dress, with really pale hands,
She held the Martini she always drank.

- Tensai-Teki Kuroneko

Again

The poem would tell you what I am going through...

Again

Despite what everyone seemed to tell,
My heart is not the one I can teach.
Love seems to be a magic spell;
Under which you are what I seek.
Now, I find myself falling for your smile,
I am captivated by the same charm, twice;
Will I go through the same emotions this time?
I wonder as I again roll the dice.

I am trapped in an open cage,
Still I can't break out of the daze.
I notice that there are several ways to escape,
But even a simple step seems to be a maze.
You have come across with your innocence,
Even though I really don't want all that pain.
Because I am completely losing my sense.
And now I am falling for you, again.

My love has forever been a twinkling flame,
Amidst the darkness, it flickers as it burns,
And when I felt it would blow away,
You held it closely, so again it glowed.
But I don't feel the same excitement now,
And I don't dream of you till dawn.
Maybe because I have learnt my lesson,
But I still love you beyond reason.

Even if different, I assure you that it's genuine,
Please understand that I am just keeping my distance.
It is because I don't want to bring you trouble,
I don't want to destroy your peaceful bubble.
I just want to be wanted and needed,
I just want to tell you about everything I have felt.
But, you have never returned the warmth I showered,
You have never allowed romance between us to flower.

I won't approach you this time and I won't try to show any sign.
You unknowingly shoved me into a pit of thorns,
But I won't mind because you never wanted to scorn.
Please don't test my passion, just for your satisfaction.
Please, I won't be able to tolerate that look of disdain.
Now that I am falling for you again.

- Tensai-Teki Kuroneko

Gone

A cat strayed into my backyard five months ago. She gave birth to four kittens and disappeared. We brought up the kittens... and I grew very attached to them. One of them(Snowy) ran after another stray cat and went away, around three months ago. Last night, Wiwi/Tesla died. This is a poem expressing my grief.

Coincidentally, my grandmother died at the same time on the same date two years ago.

~ 17th September, 2012 ~
Rest in Peace, Wiwi.

Gone

Last night I was woken up with news of your demise,
And a cascade of tears flowed out of my eyes.
I never thought that the one who loved to jump,
Would someday struggle on every bump.
You were struggling so much during your last days,
I wish I could have done something to ease your pain.
Before I knew it, you were gone;
And a shroud for you was drawn.

I spent the night crying in my bed,
Blaming myself and drowning in regret.
My parents shouted at me to control myself,
Though they knew it was the first time I had experienced death.
Even now I start weeping when I remember your cute face,
And I fear the day when your memory will fade.
How your little teeth came out when you yawned...
Before I loved you, you were gone.

Brou and Stravy are searching for you,
Whenever I go out they ask about you.
Today, it is such a sad day,
Today, you left us and went away.
I wonder and pray, in your next birth,
May you spend every second in mirth.
May you be born as the prince of England,
And have everything at the flip of your hand.
Before I saw you grow up, you went sky beyond,
Out of my reach, you were forever gone.

Baby, I don't know why God chose you,
Maybe you were an angel and away you flew.
All I know is you won't be running in the backyard,
As of today, you won't chase after rats and birds.
Dear, please, where ever you end up,
Stay happy and live life with your head up.
I know it'll be hard to get over this grief,
But as they say, life is always going.
Now, I'll stop weeping because I know you would frown,
If I kept on crying after you are gone.

- Tensai-Teki Kuroneko

Ghost

Ghost

I hear footsteps when I am walking,
It's a bright day, though a little sad too;
Every now and then, I feel someone approaching;
Every time, I turn around and ask, "Is it you?".
The stillness makes me shiver,
There is not a ripple in the distant river.
No, I know that you are not here,
But why do I keep waiting for you to be near?

This silence seems to devour,
Every bit of my heart and soul.
Every time a gentle breeze blows,
I hear footsteps coming close.
When I turn around, it's dead quiet.
No sign of the person I desired.
Then again, there is a pause and I feel so cold,
It seems as if I am followed by a ghost.

No matter what I do, I can't leave these memories,
So when I am alone, I am always in a hurry.
To be with someone, so fine it feels,
Because otherwise I feel like I am in a haunted dream.
Time stops when you come into my mind;
All my attempts to stop myself are futile.
The sound of those feet I follow down the road,
The memoirs seem to swallow me whole.

I still blush when I remember,
How I intruded when you were talking to sir;
You smiled when I asked him to explain my doubt,
Since I didn't care whether he was busy or not.
Then, you were still around,
And those footsteps were as real as their sound.

If you had to go, why did you leave these imprints?
Did it not matter when you gave so many hints?
Take them away, make me forget you;
Since you are the only person who could.
Even today when I scroll down your wall,
I close my eyes to not let myself fall.
But, it never works, you are so enchanting,
I can't believe that this is happening.
These days, I reach out to touch you almost,
It seems as though I am followed by a ghost.

So come back, be here for a while and stay,
Or kill these memories if you want to go away.
I detest them, that's quite true;
I abhor them as much as I love you.
I can't always bear to find you absent;
Oh, when I turn around, it's so silent.
Without you here, I am so lost;
I forget the world and I don't give it a thought.
I don't turn anymore these days,
And when I am haunted, I change my way.
Now, I know there is no peace to be found.
Until those footsteps become as real as their sound.

- Tensai-Teki Kuroneko

It's Raining

After anger... sadness.

It's Raining

I am sitting all alone on my roof,
Staring at the distant lights that shine really bright.
I am getting wet but I am in no mood to move.
I feel like breaking down but only let out a sigh.
Once more, you are gone when I need you.
You caused these things that I am going through.
Today, I don't expect you to come when it's hurting,
I am sure today, it's raining.

I get so cold when I feel the raindrops,
I huddle up closely to get some warmth.
It's so dark here, I feel so lonely,
I see others cheering, and smile sadly.
I want to cuddle up in the blankets in my room,
But I don't think I'll go down anytime soon.
Today, I feel this is more comforting,
For me, today, it's surely raining.

Isn't it sad, I used to love rains before you came,
You went, and it seems like nothing has changed.
Then, I was lonely, today ever so cold.
You have hurt me, and you don't even know.
I want to push all this aside, and go on with my life.
From this agony, I only want to hide.
But I can't, it feels so wrong;
To forget someone who isn't long gone.

Today, I am afraid to face myself,
I may not be able to go on without help.
Who would come now?
I want to forget you, but how?
Why does everyone speak of you?
Would I get someone to listen to?
You have left me in despair,
You came and disappeared to nowhere.
I shouldn't have lost my mind,
Then I wouldn't have been left behind.

I still stare at the doorway and look out of the window.
You aren't coming, yes, I know.
The rain is falling harder, it's getting darker.
You have let me down, I stare at the dirt.
It's hurting.
Not only in the town, but also in my heart.
It's raining.

- Tensai-Teki Kuroneko

I Am Done, Sweetheart

Inspired by a really nice song, Picture to Burn by Taylor Swift. I'll get out of this dark mood soon, guys, just let me take my frustration off with a few more poems~!

I Am Done, Sweetheart

Never thought that you would make me say this,
But you sought after every opportunity you got.
I am tired of giving you so many chances,
When all you do is waste them all.
I know you never gave a damn about me,
You didn't even have the courage to say a sorry.

I can't even count how many times I have cried,
Not even once did I have you by my side.
I am surprised, even though you never did fake any concern;
It still took me a while to figure it out, hon.
I took it till today, and I can't take it anymore.
Really, I never thought that you would be someone I would abhor.
I am sorry, dear, but now I won't let you twist my heart.
I am done with you, Sweetheart.

Even when you shattered all my wishes,
Just saying so that you don't badly guess;
Sadly for you, I didn't cry lakes of tears.
Didn't I already tell you, you weren't worth them, dear?
People say that 'love is blind' and I find it true,
But someone so unkind? Never thought it would be you.

I gave you my heart and you threw it down the drain,
You didn't even turn around to see my pain.
Now that I am able to think, I have figured who you are.
You aren't as innocent as you seem by far.
You weren't brave enough to face me after your deeds;
It explains your actions quite well, indeed.
You can turn hurting someone into an art;
But now, I am done with you, Sweetheart.

Now when I finally understand your conceited air,
I now know I couldn't have lived with your stupid attitude.
That vanity would have been such a pain to endure.
I wonder if you were ever taught that ignoring someone is quite rude!
Now, you have your image all burned to ashes,
Now that I have uncovered all your faces.

Your story, I always knew;
And I am sorry for what she did to you,
But what happened with you doesn't give you the right,
To treat me as bad as you like.
That bitter outlook is going to drag you down,
I could have tried to correct it if I were still around.
But you never gave me an 'authority to hurt',
And now I am done, Sweetheart.

Excellence at anything is in my character,
What you saw was only the teaser.
The whole movie is still left, my dear,
 And that is something you should really fear.
No one has ever been able to win against it;
It's really bad that you don't see where you have hit.
I am telling you, I never lose a fight,
You better keep that in mind.

Look at the irony, you were my first heartbreak;
Someone for whom I once could have put my life on stake.
You'll realize your loss after my feelings fade,
But I have made up my mind and I declare it today;
Even though it's quite sad to depart,
I am done with you,Sweetheart.

- Tensai-Teki Kuroneko

Destiny Awaits...

One of my masterpieces.

Destiny Awaits...

Stumbling upon every pebble,
Walking down the rocky lanes.
Taking another step is no less a trouble,
It's too hard to tolerate the pains.

The birds are replaced by haunting crickets,
The sunny skies are now moonless nights.
The curious feet that once used to spring,
By travelling the same way, they are terribly aching.
Exhausted, worn out, can't go on anymore.
Afraid, frustrated, unable to see the shore.

New scars and bleeding wounds are now abound,
Howling of wolves is the only sound around.
You continue falling in the dirt,
Your cries for help are unheard.
It's too tough to overcome the loneliness,
Alone, abandoned, and perpetually friendless.

When there is no hope found,
The darkness seems to drown;
When turning the last stone fails,
No voice is left for a few more wails;
Please don't lose faith.
No matter what happens, destiny awaits.

Don't give up and stop suddenly,
Don't stray aimlessly and weep.
Don't lose the way even if you are weary,
And don't close your eyes in grief.
You never know what is planned by fate,
Even in the darkest times, destiny awaits.

When you see no one near,
When even a twig breaking makes you hush,
When the shrillness of raindrops splattering causes fear;
The fabric in front of your heart you touch.
When the raindrops hurt to feel,
When under a tree you want to wait;
When the sadness threatens to kneel,
Don't forget, even in the gloomiest days, destiny awaits.

Whenever you wish to turn back,
And go to the warmth and cozy attire,
Whenever the courage of facing ahead you lack,
And whenever weakens the will of fire.
Don't forget that you can take just one more step,
Stay just a moment more without help.
More falls won't kill you, you know?
It's the halt that gives the fatal blow.

This is a difficult journey,
A troublesome voyage called life.
It will give you loads of honey,
But before that rocks and strife.
You have to earn what you get here,
Fight hard to do what you have to,
You have to wash your fears with your tears.
The person who writes the future is only you.

When there is nothing pleasant in the cheerful songs,
Don't give the way to frowns.
This is never the end,
For there is nothing that time can't mend.
Remember, for the one who has nothing straight,
That is the one for which destiny awaits.

Be it the steepest cliff or the deepest well,
Nothing can devour that heart of yours,
In which once the fire of hope used to dwell.
And even in the most mournful hours,
  Don't you dare forget what I tell;
For when there is nothing left for you to wait,
There is always destiny that awaits.

- Tensai-Teki Kuroneko

Let Me Live

An inspirational poem/song I wrote when I was fed up of people telling me what to do. It can be sung quite nicely, just try to catch the tune!

Let me live

Stopped every time I take a step
Towards the bright future I want to live,
Why does everyone want their expectations met?
Am I not allowed to wish?

Getting sick and tired of every advice,
People give whenever they get a chance.
Come on guys, it's my life,
I am entitled to take a stance!
How can you ever think you understand me?
You think you know what I cannot do?
I request you, just let me live.
Have you ever walked in my shoes?

I am still not sure of what I'll get,
When I walk down this abandoned way...
But I know how I had felt,
When I first saw this course on my darkest day.
I just want to close my eyes,
And ignore the sounds of the mocking talk,
In my feelings I want to believe,
When on this unused path I walk.

Sure, you people are really important,
I should listen to you like an ideal child.
I just want to say that all I ever meant,
Was to let my dreams go wild.
I never wanted to hurt you,
So please don't feel neglected.
I'll never stop doing what I want to,
Even if following my dreams is stupid.

For me, all that matters is my aim,
And if I ever were to fail,
I would be ready to take the blame.
So don't stop me when I am just lifting the sail.

Please don't worry about me,
Just let me live, not only in my sleep!
I am going to live my life,
So that when I grow old and wise,
I would be proud to say,
"I have dared to make my own way."

- Tensai-Teki Kuroneko

Faulty Facade

Sort of a poem I wrote when I grew extremely irritated with my surroundings and fake people. :D

---

Faulty Facade

Your fake face makes me want to rebuke,
And that lame smile doesn't make you a royal duke.

Your mask isn't perfect, your facade isn't cute,
It doesn't make you less of a counterfeit crook.
Do you wish to fool me with that clumsy act?
No matter how much you try, it won't cover the revealed fact.

Oh my dear, you aren't much of an actress,
No one likes to see wind blowing your tresses.
The witch you insist to hide,
That mean vibe never leaves your side.
No matter how hard you cry,
No matter if you are really sly,
I know your shrewd pseudo tears,
That rush out whenever you fear
That the end of your petty play is near.
Those tears can make a croc,
Beat it's head on a nearby rock.

How long do you want to pretend,
Are you kidding when you call me a friend.
That stupid "huff" is not going to push me down,
Nor is your over-dramatic frown or scowl.
Believe me, it only affirms how mean you can be;
Oh! You're so unfortunate that I can see
That cunning jackal dressed as a sheep.
Does your conscience even allow you to sleep?

Your hypocrisy is digging a visible crevice,
For you to fall in with your cowardice.
The way in which you push away your fringe,
That attitude really makes me want to cringe.

Aren't you afraid of your mask slipping away?
It won't remain if you get in my way;
Though I wonder if it'll stay for long anyway!

Stay away for your benefit,
And please excuse me for being so rude;
Its just that your little acting skit
Is taking too long to end for my taste.
Besides, even talking to you is such a time waste.

So next time we brush,
Just shut up a bit;
Keep in that fluff
And run away quick.

- Tensai-Teki Kuroneko

Does Science lead to Atheism?

~Tensai-Teki Kuroneko~

I wrote this for the school magazine, hurriedly at that, so it may not be of the best quality... but it's still fine.

---

Contrary to the popular belief, I don't think scientific influence is directly responsible for the rapid rise in the number of atheists in the well-educated strata of the society. I, as a science enthusiast, would like to present my views on this sensitive topic.

Science is, basically, the study and observation of the laws and workings of nature and natural phenomena. It, being an intrinsic consequence of the inquisitive nature of human beings, has its origin dating back to the appearance of the primitive civilizations. Through the years, we have discovered, through rigorous observations and experiments, some fundamental laws that the nature has been following. God, as we generally believe, is the creator of the universe. Religion, on the other hand, is the belief in and worship of a 'particular' identity of God. This thin yet distinct line between atheism and irreligiousness forms the basis of my argument.

"It's ironic that there are some scientists who don't believe in God, yet they are the ones closest to God."

– Hiromu Arakawa

A majority of the prominent scientists like Einstein, Feynman, Leibnitz and Newton have openly stated their belief in the profound existence of God. By denying it, not only a scientist or a science enthusiast reducing the laws to mere accidents, but is also undermining his position to that of a lottery judge.

"God doesn't play dice with the world."

-Albert Einstein

What I have found, from my personal experience, that study of science in fact reinforces the concept of God. The laws of nature sometimes show such distinct analogies, that it is impossible to believe that the creation of the universe could have been a result of randomized events. We can compare fluid flow to electric flux and human blood vessels to xylem and phloem! The gravitational and electrical laws are parallel to one another, while being fundamentally different! In words of Richard P. Feynman, a renowned theoretical physicist, we are observers of a great "chess" game played by the Gods, and we occasionally discover new rules. Each of them provide even more reasons to believe in the presence of a higher entity.

Though for religion, I may not say the same. It's quite natural and fairly common for science enthusiasts, like myself, to start questioning the validity of certain customs, traditions, superstitions and astrological theories that have not been validated by scientific evidence. A mere coincidence of Friday and the 13th day of any month is considered unlucky! Placing shoes on the table is believed to be a sign of approaching death! Crossing paths with a black cat is ominous, as though it was the cat's fault to be born with dark fur and to be considered an ill omen! Personally, I feel that challenging such religious dogmas and doctrines may seem troublesome at first, but would contribute in development of a more rational and logical personality, ultimately paving the way towards a better and more open-minded society.

Even if science does not present a direct evidence of God, it does not mean that it supports atheism. There is no doubt that it sows the seeds of irreligiousness, since it does not acknowledge any specific taboos or forms of worship of God. It is not even preventing agnosticism, which is the belief that nothing can be known about God. But, precisely, agnosticism accepts the inability of humans to know anything about God, while atheism denies God's very existence. They are very often used synonymously, but indeed hold different meanings altogether.

Science is merely a subject to satisfy the curiosity of over-nosy and speculative individuals who find nature too fascinating and marveling to just sit and stare at, without attempting to gain a deeper knowledge about her! But it is also the only path to enlightenment and greater understanding of the material world. I would like to end this essay with the following lines:

"I think nature's imagination is so much greater than man's, she's never going to let us relax!"

Richard P. Feynman

Konnichiwa

Hello people,

I am Anna. I am not exactly comfortable with exposing my offline identity, so I'll rather be called TTK, Tensai-Teki Kuroneko or Anna-chan. I will be posting my life-rants, as well as mindless babble on politics, my views, various matters, social problems and whatever I think about; here and on fictionpress.

I live in India, and that's the only information you'll need to know, I guess.

The things can go highly personal or extremely professional, since I love being all cool, natural and sometimes expressionless.

Its basically my life events that I'll portray, which are so random and unexpected, that I get quite frightened. Things happen to me at the worst and the best of times - it may be unbelievable at first, but that is how my life is. It is also the reason why I hate planning - nothing ever goes the way I plan it!

I am very childish. Sometimes I get too far with a mere prank, or sometimes I am so ridiculous that it'll make you guys laugh. Sometimes I get all gloomy and feel very depressed and mean, other times I am as cheerful as a daisy. I am extremely sensitive and when I regret doing something, I curse myself for hours, cry rivers for some more time, and throw away every ounce of self respect I have to make up for my mistake - even if it includes embarrassing public apologies which do hurt, a lot.

I am really anti-aromatic - the most unstable personality you'll ever meet. I have a really short temper, and it's easy to piss me off - especially when someone accuses innocent people, and curses a whole section of the society for doing what they want. I am against any form of discrimination prevailing in the society, be it gender, caste, religion, or anything else.

A very important point. I am agnostic. I don't believe in a specific religion or form of God. I believe that God exists, but I don't know anything else. I don't claim that all the texts are wrong or something, but I do believe they have been highly altered. I don't believe in any of them, and it's my personal choice. I don't want to argue about it.

I have got a HUGE interest in science, especially Physics! I am planning on devoting all my life to it, so please don't get irritated if I use TOO many stupid irrelevant scientific/mathematical puns sometimes when I write. I am quite fond of Japanese music, anime & manga, so references from there are also possible.

I am not anti-social. But, I am exceedingly shy. You can talk to me!

Thanks for reading,

Tensai-Teki Kuroneko